If theres one valuable lesson I've learned in my 18 short years, it's that nothing worthing having or doing comes easy. It's applicable to so many aspects of what I do on a daily basis. This move is no different. I can't expect to learn the lessons I want to learn without facing hardship, and challenges. My first week here was no different. There were days where I wanted nothing more than to hope on a plane and fly back home, and go back to my old life, but in the back of my mind I knew I wouldn't give up on this that easily. I need to do this. I can tell I'm changing, but I also know that I'm still at the very beginning of the process. During my time here I hope to start to become the woman I want to be in the future.

This past week had it's ups and downs, but like everything else the goods and bads always balanced themselves out. I am a huge believer in fate, and I believe that the highs and lows in my life will always balance themselves out. It goes along with another belief of mine that everything happens for a reason, you can't have a rainbow without rain, just like you can't have a bad day without learning or growing from it. Homesickness has been a nagging presence in my house since I first moved in, but this week was the first week where I started to feel like Texas is my home. I really miss my family, but I'm starting to not miss the life I left behind. I've begun to move in the direction of acceptance, and by that I mean that I'm starting to find my place here. Texas is a great place to live, and I've found that the more I look the more that I see opportunities to try something new and push myself out of my comfort zone.

In just over a week I'll be going home to see my family and friends, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm also excited for them to see the changes I've undergone since being here, because I have changed. It's hard to pin point in exactly what ways, but I do feel different. I think being home will feel a little foreign at first because I'm really starting to be accustomed to my life here. I love having my own space that's for sure! Going back to a place where I have to share a bathroom, and bedroom will definitely be an adjustment, but I couldn't be more excited!

This is Only the Beginning

As I start my new life in Austin, I'm realizing that this is only the beginning of my adult life. As I'm sitting by my window, feet on the pane, I know I'm blessed to be here. The past few days have been extremely hectic, between crying and flying, and moving in, I am emotionally drained, but I also know that the feeling will pass, and soon I'll be able to enjoying my new city!

Saying goodbye to my family was hands down the most difficult thing I have done in my life. Nothing could prepare me for the emotional sucker punch I received when I walked through security and realized the hug I just received from my mom would be the last one for a long time. It killed me, and even now I miss the comfort here arms offer me. I may be 18, and legally an adult, but no there is no place that feels more safe than in my mother's arms. I left that comfort when I walked through security, and me leaving my mother symbolizes what this move means to me. Both the move, and leaving my mom, were about me stepping outside of my comfort zone, which I did. Like I miss my mom's arms, I also miss the comfort my home has to offer.

Homesickness is something I am going to be battling on a daily basis. I felt the first tinge of that today when I began the daunting task of unpacking all of my boxes. It felt weird to think that just 24 hours prior I was in the room I grew up in, and now here I was moving into my first apartment. It took a minute, but I overcame it am quite proud of my handiwork. I can't say I am completely settled yet, but I'm definitely feeling more and more at home. In the next few weeks I hope to get to know my new home, and get involved in the community on some level.

Graduation and Moving Forward

                                                6-24-12

 Graduation is a day I've been looking forward to since the day I found out school went beyond the fifth grade. I've worked for twelve years, done hundreds of papers, spent hours doing homework, all to walk across that stage and get the diploma that signifies the completion of my public education days. I expected to learn alot in high school, but what I didn't expect was that a majority of what I learned wasn't academic at all. During my four years at Keene High I learned about myself and who I am, as  well as who I aim to be in the future. While all the theorems, formulas, and grammar rules I learned in high school were important, the latter lesson I mention is far more valueable.
            Graduation is a right of passage, the gateway in to adulthood, and it's extremely scary. For the past 12 years my daily routine has been the same. There've been some modifications throughout the years, but one thing has been constant; it's always been comfortable. Now with my move to Austin just 3 days away I've reached the end of my comfort zone. It's time for me to make my own place in the world. My life starts now. As the move gets closer and closer and the realization that I'm going to be on my own in a place that's over 3000 miles away sets in, I know that I've made the right decision. I'm feeling the anxiety and excitement that's appropriate for the magnitude of the change I'm about to experience, but what I'm not feeling is hesitation or fear.
            This saturday I woke up to a wonderful surprise from my mom. I got out of bed, instantly got called outside by mom. Still in my pjs, I headed outside, and saw my backyard transformed into a Texas style ranch. She proceded to tell me that she was throwing me a Texas style graduation party. From 1-4 that afternoon I congratulated, and hugged by so many who have played a part in getting me to where I am today. It truly was a perfect afternoon, and a great way to start the countdown to the move that is so quickly approaching. The experiences I've had the past week will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I can't be more grateful for all the wonderful people who have been a part of them.

It's about the Journey

What do I want my life to mean? I feel as though that is a more important question than what should I be when I grow up. Since I was 5 I've known what I wanted to be when I grow up. Now that I am legally grown up, and have my plans laid out to get to the career path I want to be on, I ask myself that first question. When I am on my deathbed what do I want to see when I look back at my life? The answer is simple at first glance, I want to look back on my life and know that I've truly lived, but upon closer inspection the answer is much more complicated. How do I make sure I've lived my life to the fullest? I'm just figuring out the basics of my answer. For now that means enjoying the journey I'm on and being open to the bumps and obstacle in the road. It also means straying off the path, and taking those once in a lifetime opportunites. Sticking on the path well traveled on will get you where you want to go, but you won't learn the lessons you would if you took the path not taken by many. For me Texas is the path less traveled on. Sure I could go straight in to school and then straight to medical school, but spending a year in Texas traveling will teach me so many lessons that I wouldn't get in a chemistry lab. Some people say that the path less traveled on will get you lost, but I don't believe that to be true. Just because I'm choosing to delay college for a year, doesn't mean I'm loosing sight of my goal to become a pediatric physician. In fact it gives me more motivation. I've spent the last twelve years working my ass off, and still have 8 or more years of challenge coursework. Taking a break for a year will give me time to relax so when I do back to school I'll be ready. 


In the past I've always looked forward, to next day, to the next race, to the next moment, but I've learned that the only thing that looking forward brings is disappointment. It's better to enjoy every moment, and everyday, even the bad ones, because before you know it, the moment you're in will be over. Planning and looking ahead is a great skill to have, but so is the ability to relax and enjoy the moment you're in with the people you're with. Learning that balance is a constant struggle for me, but that inner struggle between the planner part of me, and the happy go lucky part of is part of my journey, and so I embrace it. Though it may not be easy at the time, I always try to embrace my struggles, because 9 times out of 10 I learn an incredible amount from them. A teacher once told me that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, and I agree. Success is a wonderful thing, and I've been lucky enough to experience some success as have most people, but I'm sure they'd agree with me when I say that the journey to success would have been impossible without making some mistakes along the way.

I'm sure that I will make many mistakes while I'm Texas. I'm sure that there will be days where I want to go home, but I'm also sure that I'll get through it, and become a better person because of it. As moving day grows closer and closer, the reality of it all sets in more and more, and while that scares me, it's also completely exhilirating! I'm spending a year working as a nanny in Austin, Texas! I'm working with a family that I feel completely comfortable with, and a little boy who has stolen my heart. When I first met Jay, he hid behind his mother's legs and would refuse to have any sort of contact with me, and now after working together for a month the transformation he's undergone is amazing. The shy little boy I first met is now the little boy who grabs my hand and has me catch frogs for him, and hates it when I leave. He's outgoing and funny, and such a sweetheart. He's changed me too. He helps me live in the moment. We've only worked together a month and we've both learned so much from one another, and I can only imagine how much more we're going to learn in a year, so here's to living in the moment, and enjoying the journey!