What do I want my life to mean? I feel as though that is a more important question than what should I be when I grow up. Since I was 5 I've known what I wanted to be when I grow up. Now that I am legally grown up, and have my plans laid out to get to the career path I want to be on, I ask myself that first question. When I am on my deathbed what do I want to see when I look back at my life? The answer is simple at first glance, I want to look back on my life and know that I've truly lived, but upon closer inspection the answer is much more complicated. How do I make sure I've lived my life to the fullest? I'm just figuring out the basics of my answer. For now that means enjoying the journey I'm on and being open to the bumps and obstacle in the road. It also means straying off the path, and taking those once in a lifetime opportunites. Sticking on the path well traveled on will get you where you want to go, but you won't learn the lessons you would if you took the path not taken by many. For me Texas is the path less traveled on. Sure I could go straight in to school and then straight to medical school, but spending a year in Texas traveling will teach me so many lessons that I wouldn't get in a chemistry lab. Some people say that the path less traveled on will get you lost, but I don't believe that to be true. Just because I'm choosing to delay college for a year, doesn't mean I'm loosing sight of my goal to become a pediatric physician. In fact it gives me more motivation. I've spent the last twelve years working my ass off, and still have 8 or more years of challenge coursework. Taking a break for a year will give me time to relax so when I do back to school I'll be ready.
In the past I've always looked forward, to next day, to the next race, to the next moment, but I've learned that the only thing that looking forward brings is disappointment. It's better to enjoy every moment, and everyday, even the bad ones, because before you know it, the moment you're in will be over. Planning and looking ahead is a great skill to have, but so is the ability to relax and enjoy the moment you're in with the people you're with. Learning that balance is a constant struggle for me, but that inner struggle between the planner part of me, and the happy go lucky part of is part of my journey, and so I embrace it. Though it may not be easy at the time, I always try to embrace my struggles, because 9 times out of 10 I learn an incredible amount from them. A teacher once told me that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, and I agree. Success is a wonderful thing, and I've been lucky enough to experience some success as have most people, but I'm sure they'd agree with me when I say that the journey to success would have been impossible without making some mistakes along the way.
I'm sure that I will make many mistakes while I'm Texas. I'm sure that there will be days where I want to go home, but I'm also sure that I'll get through it, and become a better person because of it. As moving day grows closer and closer, the reality of it all sets in more and more, and while that scares me, it's also completely exhilirating! I'm spending a year working as a nanny in Austin, Texas! I'm working with a family that I feel completely comfortable with, and a little boy who has stolen my heart. When I first met Jay, he hid behind his mother's legs and would refuse to have any sort of contact with me, and now after working together for a month the transformation he's undergone is amazing. The shy little boy I first met is now the little boy who grabs my hand and has me catch frogs for him, and hates it when I leave. He's outgoing and funny, and such a sweetheart. He's changed me too. He helps me live in the moment. We've only worked together a month and we've both learned so much from one another, and I can only imagine how much more we're going to learn in a year, so here's to living in the moment, and enjoying the journey!
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